Little Defiance pt. 2
I don't know if some of you were wondering how Gwen and my battle of the wills went, as you've probably concluded she is not still in her room :) But even after the serious two-day event, I'm so glad it happened.
(You might go and read my previous post if you don't recall the event) So I left off where she still hadn't cleaned her room and she was down for a nap. The day continued after she woke up. I got her out and fed her lunch and after wards she went immediately back to her room to pick it up. "No." So our day continued in the same fashion for the rest of the day. She was later put to bed that night with her whole room waiting for her in the morning. I called my mom that night and asked her if I was doing the right thing, I told her I just felt like she (Gwen) was testing me. Mom assured me and told me that it sounded like Gwen was doing exactly that, she was testing me to see how far I'll go, what she can get away with and if I'm going to stick to it. Mom also reminded me of how fortunate I am that I am able to stay home and fight this, and I don't have to run off to be some where or do anything and automatically lose the battle.
Next day continued on the same path. Breakfast then straight to her room. Nothing, not budging. Continue checking every few minutes. Then as I told you I had started trying "time out" as a form of discipline. That was a no go. She kept asking to go into time out!!
The thing I hate about parenting is the things I get most frustrated with about life. It's unfortunately not a formula. Gosh, I wish it were. I remember saying the same thing in my drawing class. First off they were taking someone who could only draw stick figures and trying to teach her how to draw like, for real. :) They were wanting me to draw shadows...I couldn't figure it out. I would ask the teacher and she's like "just swoosh it like this and you see it like this..." what?! I wanted to hear "draw a thick line at the bottom smudge it down and there you go". I'm a A+B=C type person. This feeling it out and trying new things thing annoys and frustrates me.
So I had talked to Dan the night before about what was going on, so we thought cutting out swats completely might not be the ticket so I thought I'd try some extra "prodding". That got about 2 things picked up and then she shut down. She laid down and she was done, nothing I was going to do was going to change that. Plus, my whole goal in insisting on this isn't to get her room clean. The end goal is for her to understand that we need to clean up after ourselves. If we get things out we need to put them away. I want it to become something that we just do, not because mom says to or she's going to "beat" me until I do. I want her to become a responsible kid/teen/adult etc. And yes, I know she is obviously not grasping the deep down meaning or issue but it's a stepping stone a foundation on which to continue teaching and training her.
I then check back a few minutes later and I said "ok, we need to pick up our shoes". Boop, boop, boop she just picks up her shoes and puts them away. Btw, I'm like jumping inside. Then I said "ok, our books". She picks up all her books and puts them on the shelf. I then said "ok, our toys". It was like all of the sudden a switch flipped and she was like "what am I doing? This is what I've been fighting against." She shut down and wouldn't do anymore. Tried and tried. Nothing. She fell asleep a few minutes later so I put her in her bed for her nap and when she woke up I said "ok, we need to finish cleaning our room." No problem mom. Doop, doop she just toddled around picked up all her toys, put the diapers away she had scattered everywhere, closed her dresser drawers. I sayed "yay, you finished!" Gave her a hug and told her thank you and she came out of her room. That was the end of it. Seriously. As strange as it began.
I know some of you may not believe me when I tell you this, but ever since then she has really been amazing. I'm not saying she's perfect and I'll never have to discipline ever again. But I've hardly had any problems it's almost like I have a new child. She doesn't really fight me about much. Literally, she reaches for my hand now to walk across the street, parking lot etc. where I used to have to basically man handle her or she's throwing herself on the ground. Instead of the moment the front door is open she takes off into the backyard or under the tree where I used to have to chase her down and catch her, I tell her to wait by the car and she stands and waits at her door. Two days of battling her will? Totally.worth.it.
If you are ever sitting there and are saying like I have many times before, will this ever be worth it? I would totally much rather go to work and have to deal with the kids for only a couple hours. But who would have thought that little acts of obedience and a sweet spirit and smile could bring so much joy? And to think "ya, I did that." and to be so glad you didn't give up or take the easy way out.
As a side note: I don't know if this is a two year old thing, but Dan was talking to one of the moms from church who's son is the same age as Gwen and said she went through the same thing. She said it was like 2-3 days of her son fighting her on everything and then poof, he was like a brand new kid. So, some info for those of you who have kids that age in case it's coming!
(You might go and read my previous post if you don't recall the event) So I left off where she still hadn't cleaned her room and she was down for a nap. The day continued after she woke up. I got her out and fed her lunch and after wards she went immediately back to her room to pick it up. "No." So our day continued in the same fashion for the rest of the day. She was later put to bed that night with her whole room waiting for her in the morning. I called my mom that night and asked her if I was doing the right thing, I told her I just felt like she (Gwen) was testing me. Mom assured me and told me that it sounded like Gwen was doing exactly that, she was testing me to see how far I'll go, what she can get away with and if I'm going to stick to it. Mom also reminded me of how fortunate I am that I am able to stay home and fight this, and I don't have to run off to be some where or do anything and automatically lose the battle.
Next day continued on the same path. Breakfast then straight to her room. Nothing, not budging. Continue checking every few minutes. Then as I told you I had started trying "time out" as a form of discipline. That was a no go. She kept asking to go into time out!!
The thing I hate about parenting is the things I get most frustrated with about life. It's unfortunately not a formula. Gosh, I wish it were. I remember saying the same thing in my drawing class. First off they were taking someone who could only draw stick figures and trying to teach her how to draw like, for real. :) They were wanting me to draw shadows...I couldn't figure it out. I would ask the teacher and she's like "just swoosh it like this and you see it like this..." what?! I wanted to hear "draw a thick line at the bottom smudge it down and there you go". I'm a A+B=C type person. This feeling it out and trying new things thing annoys and frustrates me.
So I had talked to Dan the night before about what was going on, so we thought cutting out swats completely might not be the ticket so I thought I'd try some extra "prodding". That got about 2 things picked up and then she shut down. She laid down and she was done, nothing I was going to do was going to change that. Plus, my whole goal in insisting on this isn't to get her room clean. The end goal is for her to understand that we need to clean up after ourselves. If we get things out we need to put them away. I want it to become something that we just do, not because mom says to or she's going to "beat" me until I do. I want her to become a responsible kid/teen/adult etc. And yes, I know she is obviously not grasping the deep down meaning or issue but it's a stepping stone a foundation on which to continue teaching and training her.
I then check back a few minutes later and I said "ok, we need to pick up our shoes". Boop, boop, boop she just picks up her shoes and puts them away. Btw, I'm like jumping inside. Then I said "ok, our books". She picks up all her books and puts them on the shelf. I then said "ok, our toys". It was like all of the sudden a switch flipped and she was like "what am I doing? This is what I've been fighting against." She shut down and wouldn't do anymore. Tried and tried. Nothing. She fell asleep a few minutes later so I put her in her bed for her nap and when she woke up I said "ok, we need to finish cleaning our room." No problem mom. Doop, doop she just toddled around picked up all her toys, put the diapers away she had scattered everywhere, closed her dresser drawers. I sayed "yay, you finished!" Gave her a hug and told her thank you and she came out of her room. That was the end of it. Seriously. As strange as it began.
I know some of you may not believe me when I tell you this, but ever since then she has really been amazing. I'm not saying she's perfect and I'll never have to discipline ever again. But I've hardly had any problems it's almost like I have a new child. She doesn't really fight me about much. Literally, she reaches for my hand now to walk across the street, parking lot etc. where I used to have to basically man handle her or she's throwing herself on the ground. Instead of the moment the front door is open she takes off into the backyard or under the tree where I used to have to chase her down and catch her, I tell her to wait by the car and she stands and waits at her door. Two days of battling her will? Totally.worth.it.
If you are ever sitting there and are saying like I have many times before, will this ever be worth it? I would totally much rather go to work and have to deal with the kids for only a couple hours. But who would have thought that little acts of obedience and a sweet spirit and smile could bring so much joy? And to think "ya, I did that." and to be so glad you didn't give up or take the easy way out.
As a side note: I don't know if this is a two year old thing, but Dan was talking to one of the moms from church who's son is the same age as Gwen and said she went through the same thing. She said it was like 2-3 days of her son fighting her on everything and then poof, he was like a brand new kid. So, some info for those of you who have kids that age in case it's coming!
Gwen and I on the 4th of July <3
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